18 - Sarah Richardson

See I’m not a massively sexually experience person. Shocked? I know look at me Middle class, white ass, big ask to take me: a geeky Dr Who fan, who can’t stick it the man and doesn't really have any plan at all. And least of all, this exposed, protruding nose, sticky out chin and a brace for a grin. And I know that my mum teaches me that it these quirky features in me make me stand out... right out of that line of another kind of fucking fit ass girls. I mean Jesus Christ that’s some good DNA. But it’s okay because mum says that makes me unconventionally beautiful. Mum, I’m gunna stop thinking about you because I’m trying to talk about sex and I know you’ve had some but I don’t wanna hear about your ex’s. And hey, since 50 Shades of Grey you wanted to have conversations about nipple clamps and butt plugs. But no.... Just no!! Don’t get me wrong I’m not a nun. It’s not all cobwebs and overgrown and never seen the light of day but equally it’s not a freeway. What I’m trying to say is sometimes I wish I could be a black girl. In the club with your batty hypnotised, all eyes in on you. So much sass pouring out that too tight dress. And curves... Those curves!!! Or those stick thin white girls with legs like pegs, never ending, sending come to bed eyes and opening their thighs as they basically fuck on the dance floor. And I turn to that gangly, mangly boy, sidling up to me and flattered? Maybe but I look out and watch those fine specimen of human reproduction come together moving, feeling, touching, as she wettens and he hardens. And I feel the buzz of these flies buzzing around me and sure their nice guys, But for once I want to be her because I know she’s getting laid tonight as I know that she know that he knows stuff! And I know that she knows that he know it’s going to be a wild, crazy adult game of twister, bodies mixing into one another, feeling, exploring, playing with each other. Her bending like a Barbie and him extending like a sonic screwdriver driving into her, coming in her. And I just stand there and to the guy next to me tut aloud but inside I’m aroused. Cause the thing is I’m not even going to have clumsy, fumbly, bumbly sex with this fly. Him stuck in his shirt and me unable to undo my skirt with awkward touching and him apologising for his early arrival. No I’m just going to go home, alone and feel... fucking frustrated. People think girls like me don’t want the “D”. That our hormones aren’t developed BUT we’re thirsty!!! And its worst for us because you can quench your thirst with human touch but the only way we’re controlling and holding in this pre-occupation is with pure masturbation. And it’s hard because I want you. I want you here now I’ve had a taste of you and now I crave you all the time. I want you to be mine and to intertwine our bodies till I don’t know where I begin and you stop. I want to kiss your body, lick your ear and bite your neck. I want to hear you pant and moan. I want to feel my legs tense and that rush through my body, the tsunami run up my spine, hands shaking, heat beating, sweat dripping because of you. But I’m not a massively, sexually experienced person. I can’t be flirty or funny or sexy. So I just sit opposite you, The table holding me back Wanting to tell you I need you now to take me here, there, anywhere, just to feel you in me. But instead I smile Because I don’t know what to do Innocent, naive, call me whatever but I don’t know what’s right or wrong, What’s forward or not because I’m not a massively sexually experienced person. I’m just me... Trying to work it out.

#SarahRichardson

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